Almost 2 years since my last post about my mother.
She's... okay? She's in physical therapy, and she can walk on her own. Not like when she just got a stroke. I sent her a cane, which she no longer uses because she can do it on her own, albeit a little slowly. I can't talk to her on the phone without crying. When she gets excited, she starts talking fast, the words start stumbling, and I can't understand her anymore. But I am damned happy that she is alright-ish.
A couple of weeks after my mom's stroke. I got a message on FB from a stranger. I thought it was a stalker's joke... sick joke. But it wasn't. I lost a dear dear friend to a car accident. She was with friends, returning from a concert from another state when they collided with a truck. Not really sure about the details.... It still sickens me to my stomach that she died alone on the road because she was thrown from the car. I only pray that her death was painless and instantaneous.
Yeah... my life really took a dive at the end of that year...
I had so many plans regarding both of them. And everything just slipped away...
Well, today, my cousin kept hounding me about making me go 'home' and tell my shitty uncle to leave my mother's land. He's a dick. Let's just leave it at that.
I keep saying that it's HER land, she should be able to do it. She can still think for herself.
I am worried that he's going to do something asshole-y and grab the land while mama's still alive, but I really can't do anything about it. I can barely afford go to work everyday, let alone pay for fare to go all the way there. I. Am. Broke. Because of my mom's illness and some stupidity at work regarding my pay starting January.
I don't even have enough money to buy new clothes. Or shoes from payless. Or stupid hair ties....
When I got home from work today. After a long and expensive day, I kept thinking about why my cousin seems to be in a rush for me to get my uncle off my mother's land. I thought that if he wants the land so badly when my mother passes(knock on wood) he can have it.
When my mom passes. I really don't have anything more to live for. I have no significant other, nor kids. The person who I'm supposed to leave my manga collection to, is dead. I'm working right now just to have money to send to my mom for her meds and therapy. If I didn't have to send money, I probably would stop working for the company I'm working for and just fuck it.
Yeah... that's how pathetic the life of a bishie closet keeper is right now. And this year was supposed to be my lucky year? I think I'm lucky to still be sane(?) right now. I am slowly breaking... slowly slipping... scared...
